RIP

I don't know what to do or how to compose myself. I can not wrap my head around death and sadness. Today is the saddest day. Being in school is driving me crazy. I have left all my classes to go to the bathroom and fix my makeup. Not only am I a mess, but every time someone asks me if I'm okay, I cry more. The whole day is somber and the halls are quiet. Not only is my best friend in the world suffering the loss of her grandfather, but now I find out that a sophomore in my school has committed suicide. It is the hardest thing to deal with and I can't stand to look at people as they watch me hold in (or let out) my tears. Abe Hogan. He was a sophomore. He was two years younger than me. From what I know he was an amazing person and athlete. The part that really made me shatter my composure was when I saw my fellow seniors, guys, bawling their eyes out. It is true that only the good die young. I can't stress how hurtful it is. And on top of all that, going to a viewing last night made me feel vulnerable and sad. Not only did I know Ashley's poppy, but I knew him well. I used to be around him for all of summer vacation and every time Ashley would invite me to her Nan and Pop's, he greeted me with a smiling face. He hasn't been okay for a long time, and even Ashley admitted that she knew it was coming. At the same time, that doesn't make it any easier. It makes it harder. He was an amazing person who always treated me nicely and would give me and Ashley anything we wanted. He would have sacrificed the world for me and he wasn't even my grandfather. It is hard to be around Ashley right now, as she is hurting and her face is always stained with tears. When I lost my grandpa, I was too young to know what it meant, and I wasn't nearly as close with him as Ashley was to her Poppy. I don't want to keep crying but it is really hard to hide my emotions today. The hallways are quieter and everyone has a tissue on hand. Who can really be okay with death? I can't say that it makes me think about my own life more, it actually makes me think about how valuable their lives were. And now they are gone, and although they were not as close to me as some, they have taken a piece of me to heaven with them.